Right, sorry, this one’s gonna be a little controversial. This tour of the States and Canada there are three faces I can’t seem to move anywhere without seeing. Three cherubic, angeline visages that I cannot move without seeing. They are of course The Jonas Brothers.

Now, I have never, nor will again say a bad word about a band’s music (in print anyway, my private gripes are my own and don’t need to clog up the internet, print, or TV) because generally life is too short. Music is music and we all like and loath bands for our own reasons. However, when a band takes a stand so vehemently and so opposite of my own views I have to speak up simply as a concerned citizen. THIS IS NOT ABOUT THEIR MUSIC, that I won’t comment on. Two words…

Promise rings? Hmmm. As you read this people what are you thinking of right now? Yup, thought so, sex. Or if not right now then ten minutes ago? Four minutes ago? From all of our teenage years onwards we think of sex a hell of a lot. What then do you think would be an apt suggestion to the youth of the world? You think abstinence is gonna cut the mustard? ABSTINENCE?! Yes indeed. What a good idea! Let’s tell kids to simply fight their carnal (and wholly natural) urges and stay ‘pure’ until marriage. I may know very little (and I really don’t know much) but one thing I’m sure of is that this simply will not work. 

I’m a big Bill Maher fan and while watching his stand-up The Decider recently I was enlightened by a few very interesting facts on the subject. It seems that girls wearing promise or ‘purity’ rings will be six times more likely to engage in oral sex and, get this for god sake, four times more likely to be having anal sex all in some insanely misguided attempt to protect their purity until their wedding day. I’ll let you in on a wee secret girls, if you’re having teenaged anal sex then your purity is gone. Sorry, but it’s long gone. Now for the love of whatever is that not the most twisted logic you ever did hear?

Just a thought but how about instead of this madness we do something crazy like teach kids early (and I mean before their teens) that sex is not evil or impure. In fact, done right, it’s a beautiful, life-enriching thing that can be, dare in say it, fun. We should be handing out condoms in schools and telling kids it’s ok to ask about sex. Hell, find out all you can about it. The main reason why there are so many teen pregnancies is because kids have no fucking idea what sex might lead to. This sounds a ridiculous statement but it’s true. We are way to hysterical about what our children can and cannot do. The things we make taboo are the things kids naturally gravitate towards. Swearing, sex, drugs, tattoos, guns, violent games and movies, dark rock music, all these things are in the Do Not Touch pile and that is way too tantalising for kids who are only trying to find out for themselves about life’s adult mysteries. 

I know there should be boundaries. Of course there should. However instead of putting our fingers in our ears and pretending none of this is happening how about simply sitting down with our children and telling them straight what it’s all about. That they are not having thoughts that their parents didn’t have at that age and it’s all (well mostly all) perfectly natural. 

I have a two year old niece that I adore more than anything else on our big blue planet and I’d rather she found out these things early in life from her parents who love her and have been through all this already than ‘learn’ about them from playground whispers or all too late mistakes of her own. Hell I’d even rather she came to me if she needs to. At least I can tell her want I’ve been through (up to a point of course, some things we really do need to find out for ourselves).

We are all nuts sometimes for whatever reasons but one thing we are generally far too precious about is our kids and what they cannot/must not do. They need to fall down to know the ground is hard (well that’s not strictly true but I’m going for the metaphor here) and they have to get into scrapes and tangles to get stronger. Sex though is different. They need to know beforehand that it may result in disease or pregnancy because when they are only taught abstinence they are really taught nothing at all. We all have a primal, almost ceaseless urge to mate (christ, gary when you put it like that….) and a fucking bit of silver on one finger isn’t gonna stop millions of years of animal evolution (yes creationists I’ve barking up your tree too). 

That all being said it’s not just the Jonas Brothers by any means, it’s the evangelicals and the republicans (conservatives in general) that are mostly to blame. So I’m a wee bit sorry to the apple cheeked brothers as it was only their poster (many, many of their posters) that sparked this wee rant. They are a small part if the problem and by no means the root of all evil. This debate has raged for years and will rage on yet I’m sure. Cooler heads must prevail though. Also can we emphasise the word ‘debate’? At least can there be one. Better for everyone we talk about it at the very least.

To all of you out there, may you enjoy lots of consensual and safe sex for all the days (better make that weeks or months, I ain’t getting any this last long while anyway) of your lifes.g.xx